Members of the opposite (or same sex, if you're gay) are too damned hard to figure out.

If only it was like in that Switchfoot song... "like today never happened".
Not today necessarily, today was okay. But some days in general. Too bad this thing is going to have a hetero bias, oh well.
Figuring out the opposite sex. When people read this, if anyone ever does, I can almost see them cringing in disgust...well, I sure am. This is probably the hardest thing for someone to do, get into someone else's mind.
Relationships are so fucking confusing. First, you can't decide whether you want one or not. Then you're either single and lonely, or taken and dissatisfied. It just seems like it never works out; for a good majority of the time. It's not just me; but over the years things seem to get rockier and rockier. I like so many people, not at the same time of course, but manage to get rejected by every one of them, unless they like me first (which they barely ever, and if they do, they are Mr. Wrong). I can't figure out what it is about me, maybe it's nothing, but then why the hell does all of this stuff keep happening?
I'm disgusted by it, and sick of it. It's almost bordering on pathetic, like I can't do anything about it almost.
Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I wasn't really shy. If I could actually tell the person how I really felt about them without being embarrassed, and say it properly...and in person. That'd be amazing, maybe. Or just painful, when I got the same standard "sorry, we're too good of friends" crap. Well not necessarily crap, I just hate to hear it. Such a huge disappointment, that's why I quit telling people...for a long time. Or maybe. I really want to tell the person I like now that I like him, but it wouldn't go over well at all. At least I'm doubting it. The how I doubt he feels the same, and everything.
It just doesn't stop. It's like my heart controls itself and decides to throw itself off bridges, or get eaten by dogs or something. I really don't know anymore. I fall for so many people so quickly that it's almost like it's not even worth hoping at all. I can't stop that bad habit either--hope.
Most people say hope is a good thing to have, but I don't think so. I really think that hope involves a lot of denial. If you're always hoping for something better, how are you supposed to accept that something bad has happened, and that good things don't always happen? Exactly, you don't. You just keep hoping for better, but sometimes better just doesn't come, and you end up being sadder in the end. Without hope, you can just be sad about the issue at hand, and not have to worry about it getting better.
It's weird, I guess.
And surreal.
Sometimes, your mind can warp things into being something they're completely not when you're desperate, which is even more stupid. Even if "he" says a little tiny thing, my mind warps it into something and of course it warps it into thinking that he likes me. When he really doesn't. I think that's one of the worst parts, lack of realism and too much dreaming. I used to always maintain the fact to everyone that I was this huge realist, but in reality, I actually almost dream too much for my own good. It makes me sad, because I'm always worried and sad because sometimes my dreams just don't get achieved. And sometimes they are just ridiculous to start with. It sort of seems like Greener With The Scenery by the Used... "my fingernail phase, worst has got the best of you I ask you and I know I need to change. Change. "
I do need to change, but I think something needs to come on to provoke that.
I really want to date him, but I doubt it's ever going to happen, no matter how many 11:11 wishes I use up, or what.
It's just...hopeless. In general.
So why in the hell do I feel so hopeful?