tears.

"you could so talk to her"
comes out of my mouth, when really i mean
"fuck!! she isn't even pretty!"
but of course that's not true,
i'm just jealous.

Dear World

Dear World,
When I grow up, I am going to invent a machine. It is going to be a fancy translating machine, but I haven't thought of a name for it yet.
Basically, what it's going to do is translate what things that the opposite sex say mean (if you're gay, the same sex. duh.).
For example, you plug in what someone says and it translates it into something in plain English, while factoring in emotions and brainwaves. That way, people could understand each other, and there wouldn't be so many broken hearts and screwed up situations.
Frick, I'm gonna be rich....

confused number six thousand sixty three and a half plus three quarters.

What bothers me the most is that I can't tell him. Okay, basically the whole situation bothers me. I was so okay with being single because I keep telling myself I'm too independent for a relationship, and everything was fine for about a month and a half. And then he came into my life again and everything flipped. It's like when you get toast and put the perfect amount of peanut butter on, only to drop it on the concrete and have it be useless, except for maybe some random seagulls. It was fine up to a point, getting close to being perfect and ready to eat, until you dropped it and fucked it up. And it bothers me, it's my fault, not anyone else's. Well, maybe I'm being a little too harsh....maybe it's more my heart's fault. Well, technically brain, because my heart can't think. Fuck that, maybe the two of them could have an interesting debate if it could. He's probably out partying right now, or at least hanging out with friends (people don't necessarily party at seven fifty p.m.). Maybe he's hanging out with her too? Trying to hold her hand again or sneak a kiss when she isn't watching. It almost makes me feel sick to think about it, not because it's gross, but because I know if I can't fix this soon, things are going to go a little haywire. Maybe that's putting it too mildly, or maybe too harshly, I'm not sure yet. I should probably hope she likes him back so they can date and be cute and happy while I sit on the sidelines because that's what I'm familiar with, that's what I'm used to. Somehow though, I want it to be different this time. I'm too confused. Fuck.