12/30/2005
a million little pieces....of PMS
sometimes i wonder about what makes people sad. i guess i'm in one of those "moods" right now, the "i want to get drunk by myself and overdose on sleeping pills" type of mood. 750 mL of vodka is hiding in someone else's bag in the back of my closet, but i'm not going to touch it. some call it self control, i call it being too scared to get near it. alcohol is a powerful thing. it can break up relationships, kill people, cause other incidents that kill people (like drunk driving) and it's only a liquid. i'm getting that feeling in my chest now, the cramp that tells me i'm thinking too much about something, or that i'm upset. sometimes, even both. on and off i've been thinking about "a million little pieces" by james frey. i've decided it was excellently written and a great novel with a moral, but i personally think people can only stay away from something bad once they've experienced it's negative effects. no matter how well something negative is described to you, you must experience it yourself before you decide how you can feel emotionally about it. some people can understand other people's problems, but only when they experience them themselves can they actually have something to relate to while thinking about the subject. experience experience experience, blah blah blah.
12/17/2005
The Mosh
there's something about concerts, they just make me happy.
maybe it's something about the love everyone has for a band that you love, or how nice people can be that you haven't even met, or how no one minds that they're gross and dirty and covered in sweat, they're just there for the love of music. i don't know what's appealing about punching randoms and crashing into others and screaming and jumping, but there's something magical in the moshpit. there's a feeling that you can't get anywhere else, and as soon as you step into the cold air outside, it increases for a second and fades away until the next show. the only place where i'm content to be way too warm and barely able to breathe is in the center of a moshpit, although i'm not violent, it almost feels like a home. everyone belongs and the color of your hair, or what your face looks like, or what you dress like doesn't matter because you're only there to have fun for a night with a bunch of people you don't know. as i wipe the last tear from my face before i go back to bed, i anticipate my next show, and what will happen. i can't wait to go back to the magic of the moshpit.
maybe it's something about the love everyone has for a band that you love, or how nice people can be that you haven't even met, or how no one minds that they're gross and dirty and covered in sweat, they're just there for the love of music. i don't know what's appealing about punching randoms and crashing into others and screaming and jumping, but there's something magical in the moshpit. there's a feeling that you can't get anywhere else, and as soon as you step into the cold air outside, it increases for a second and fades away until the next show. the only place where i'm content to be way too warm and barely able to breathe is in the center of a moshpit, although i'm not violent, it almost feels like a home. everyone belongs and the color of your hair, or what your face looks like, or what you dress like doesn't matter because you're only there to have fun for a night with a bunch of people you don't know. as i wipe the last tear from my face before i go back to bed, i anticipate my next show, and what will happen. i can't wait to go back to the magic of the moshpit.
12/04/2005
"It's the thought that counts"-- or so I thought.
Today, I signed on to Nexopia, only to discover that a new poll was up on the site. This is not unusual, considering the fact that they change the poll every couple days. It was a simple question, or so I thought- "What do you want for Christmas?". There were the usual answers as options, from far fetched things like leprechauns and ponies to the usual things such as CDs or Gift Cards. I voted nonsensically, for "What?" (I don't yet know what I want for Christmas). The thing I was suprised to discover was that a large majority (37.4%) of people wanted money for Christmas. I wasn't that surprised, but I was rather saddened.
In my mind, nothing is a more thoughtless Christmas gift than money. To me, money says "Sorry, I didn't have time to get you a gift, here's some money, go buy one for yourself." Forgive me for being old fashioned, but I thought it was the thought that counted in terms of a present. Personally, I'm elated when I open a great present from a friend that I know must have taken at least a small bit of effort to pick out. It shows me that my friend cares about me enough to think about me as a person and what I might like to receive for a Christmas gift.
However, many teenagers (I apologize for making a generalization, but a fair majority of Nexopia's users are in fact, teens) lately just seem to want money, money and more money. It feels like eventually there isn't going to be such a thing as gifts, people will only receive crumpled bills stashed inside a card. "To ___, Merry Christmas, From ____."
"But wait!" you say, "Times are changing. What's wrong with giving everyone money? Then they can use it for a gift that they would like. Besides, I'm not good at picking out gifts anyway."
Well, my friend, this may be true, but at least a gift shows that you took the time to think of what someone might appreciate rather than taking the easy way out. That's what gift receipts are for anyway--- if your friend or family member really doesn't appreciate your gift, they can always take it back and find something else they would enjoy more. It's also special if your friend understands the fact that you may be crappy at picking out gifts, but tried anyway, for their sake.
This sword does swing both ways though. Sometimes people only ask for money as a Christmas gift (I like to think of these people as "difficult"). Just because they want money however, does not mean that you can't pick them out something you think they would like better than, as I stated before, some crumpled bills. Hey, if you're lucky, it might be something they've always wanted but never really thought to ask about.
Anyway, back to my point. Gifts take time and effort to pick out, money takes a couple of uncaring seconds to thrust into an envelope. My challenge is this: show a friend you care this Christmas- enough to choose something for them that they might get some enjoyment out of, rather than a bill they'll toss at an uncaring cashier without even thinking of your name.
As Charles Dudley Warner intelligently stated, "The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than its value."
Just something to think about this holiday season.
In my mind, nothing is a more thoughtless Christmas gift than money. To me, money says "Sorry, I didn't have time to get you a gift, here's some money, go buy one for yourself." Forgive me for being old fashioned, but I thought it was the thought that counted in terms of a present. Personally, I'm elated when I open a great present from a friend that I know must have taken at least a small bit of effort to pick out. It shows me that my friend cares about me enough to think about me as a person and what I might like to receive for a Christmas gift.
However, many teenagers (I apologize for making a generalization, but a fair majority of Nexopia's users are in fact, teens) lately just seem to want money, money and more money. It feels like eventually there isn't going to be such a thing as gifts, people will only receive crumpled bills stashed inside a card. "To ___, Merry Christmas, From ____."
"But wait!" you say, "Times are changing. What's wrong with giving everyone money? Then they can use it for a gift that they would like. Besides, I'm not good at picking out gifts anyway."
Well, my friend, this may be true, but at least a gift shows that you took the time to think of what someone might appreciate rather than taking the easy way out. That's what gift receipts are for anyway--- if your friend or family member really doesn't appreciate your gift, they can always take it back and find something else they would enjoy more. It's also special if your friend understands the fact that you may be crappy at picking out gifts, but tried anyway, for their sake.
This sword does swing both ways though. Sometimes people only ask for money as a Christmas gift (I like to think of these people as "difficult"). Just because they want money however, does not mean that you can't pick them out something you think they would like better than, as I stated before, some crumpled bills. Hey, if you're lucky, it might be something they've always wanted but never really thought to ask about.
Anyway, back to my point. Gifts take time and effort to pick out, money takes a couple of uncaring seconds to thrust into an envelope. My challenge is this: show a friend you care this Christmas- enough to choose something for them that they might get some enjoyment out of, rather than a bill they'll toss at an uncaring cashier without even thinking of your name.
As Charles Dudley Warner intelligently stated, "The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than its value."
Just something to think about this holiday season.
12/02/2005
Double edged.
It's amazing how things can be so double edged. One side can be super good, and one can be super bad. Maybe it's reliant on destiny, or faith, or attitude, but honestly I don't think anyone really knows.
I'm going to use hope for an example in this entry, because I've been thinking about hope for a long time lately. People hope for many different things. You can hope for a new pet, you can hope for a new lover, you can hope to die, you can hope to live, you can hope to pass tests...you can almost hope anything. What happens though, when you cease to hope? Is it a positive or negative thing?
Personally, I think ceasing to hope is a good idea. When you're not hoping for anything, you aren't looking forward to something that may not happen, something that may not come true. That way when it doesn't happen after all, you aren't disappointed.
Now the hard part is putting the plan, of learning how to cease hoping into action.
As soon as you find out how, tell me.
I'll be waiting.
I'm going to use hope for an example in this entry, because I've been thinking about hope for a long time lately. People hope for many different things. You can hope for a new pet, you can hope for a new lover, you can hope to die, you can hope to live, you can hope to pass tests...you can almost hope anything. What happens though, when you cease to hope? Is it a positive or negative thing?
Personally, I think ceasing to hope is a good idea. When you're not hoping for anything, you aren't looking forward to something that may not happen, something that may not come true. That way when it doesn't happen after all, you aren't disappointed.
Now the hard part is putting the plan, of learning how to cease hoping into action.
As soon as you find out how, tell me.
I'll be waiting.
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