7/27/2005

gone.

sometimes things can be really difficult.
like telling your best friend you have a massive crush on him. little does he know that you think about him all the time, and have since the first time you guys talked at school, in a class you both hated. it's hard to tell him that not only do you like him, but you have for a long time, and have kept it a secret because you couldn't bear to say it. when "do you like someone" was answered with a "no" which was really code for "you".

he doesn't know that everytime you pretended to be elated that he was getting a girlfriend, you'd secretly go home and cry about it. you'd act happy for them, but really you wanted her place in his heart, even though you already had your own. sometimes you'd just cry because you knew that the both of you would never be more than friends.

everytime you opened your mouth to tell him, something else would always come up and you'd shut it again. there was always a reason not to say something. no one wants to lose a friend, or be scared to lose a friend, especially their best one. maybe he isn't meant to know, except when he moves away in a month. your heart hurts just thinking about it. an hour and a half away, and you haven't even told him. and you're too scared to say anything before he leaves. for all you know, something could have happened, but you didn't say anything and now he's gone.

gone gone gone.