Is there really such a thing as "always tomorrow"?
I don't think that made much sense. Basically, what I'm asking is whether you can just continue to rely on tomorrow, or whether it's just an endless procrastination that will bite you in the ass one day.
Firstly, a dramatic example. Say you are in love with your boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife or significant other, or whatever. In short, someone you REALLY like. But for some reason, you are scared to tell them. Scared of the rejection? Maybe. Scared of what they say? Possibly. Who they'll tell? Another possibility. So you keep putting it off for tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow again. And then one day you die randomly, hit by a bus or something, and never had the chance to tell them.
Or, for a less dramatic example. You've got a test coming up Friday. Today is Monday. You will study- tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, and eventually it is Thursday night at 12 AM and you're struggling to keep your eyes open while you read Chapter 1 of your 20 Chapter textbook.
Sound familiar?
Well, maybe there isn't such a thing as always having tomorrow.
The contrary fact, or quote, might be to "live like you will die tomorrow". Somehow, I find this equally unappealing.
If I knew I was going to die tomorrow, I'd be doing a LOT of stuff- possibly mouthing off my boss, telling everyone exactly how I felt about them, castrating my ex with a machete, eliminating everyone who is not a best friend from my life, etc. However, the key is that you would be living LIKE you would die tomorrow.
So what if you didn't? To put it very bluntly, you'd basically be fucked. If I mouthed off my boss and didn't die, I'd probably get fired. If I told everyone exactly how I felt and didn't die, I would see a LOT of feelings get hurt, and probably feel their repercussions. If I castrated my ex with a machete he'd probably get his retard drug dealer friends after me to blow my head off with some sort of illegal, unregistered automatic weapon. You get the point.
Maybe things are difficult because people cannot predict their lives. However, this also makes life a lot more interesting.
So, here's the conflict. You can live like there's always tomorrow, or live like you will die the next day, but in reality, neither of them is really a plausible solution. So what are you supposed to do, just judge things as they come, etc? Find a balance in the middle? But how?
No wonder people these days are fucked up.
10/20/2006
Legal Age
18+ shows honestly make me really annoyed/upset.
I can think of two particular reasons of having them, so alcohol can be served and so annoying teenagers don't screw around. But honestly. When your favorite bands are coming to town and you think you will have the opportunity to see them, it's really a blow when you go to Ticketmaster's website and learn that the show is 18+, and you are underage. It must be worse in places like BC for example, because their legal age is 19.
I still think it would be better for bands to play all ages shows, though. Maybe to make everyone happy, they could play an all ages show, and an 18+ show? It would certainly give them the opportunity to get more money (I know I know, blah blah blah, all bands aren't monetarily based), and it would give ALL fans a chance to experience live music. And if people who are over 18 have a problem with teenagers, they could go to the 18+ show.
In general, I think SOME legal age stuff is stupid. For example, I know people my age, or underage, that are smart and mature. And, I know people of legal age who are, let's say...dumber than a sack of hammers. Obviously society has to set regulations in place to regulate things such as alcohol and tobacco consumption, etc, it just frustrates me sometimes.
I can think of two particular reasons of having them, so alcohol can be served and so annoying teenagers don't screw around. But honestly. When your favorite bands are coming to town and you think you will have the opportunity to see them, it's really a blow when you go to Ticketmaster's website and learn that the show is 18+, and you are underage. It must be worse in places like BC for example, because their legal age is 19.
I still think it would be better for bands to play all ages shows, though. Maybe to make everyone happy, they could play an all ages show, and an 18+ show? It would certainly give them the opportunity to get more money (I know I know, blah blah blah, all bands aren't monetarily based), and it would give ALL fans a chance to experience live music. And if people who are over 18 have a problem with teenagers, they could go to the 18+ show.
In general, I think SOME legal age stuff is stupid. For example, I know people my age, or underage, that are smart and mature. And, I know people of legal age who are, let's say...dumber than a sack of hammers. Obviously society has to set regulations in place to regulate things such as alcohol and tobacco consumption, etc, it just frustrates me sometimes.
dear heart,
Some days, I am scared that you might jump out.
That all of a sudden, the cavity of my chest
Might not be suitable for you to live in anymore.
One day, while I am walking down the street,
I will burst open spontaneously,
Scattering drops of blood across the sidewalk
Like red paint on canvas, like art.
Tiny pieces speaking volumes.
You will run down the street, arms flailing
Wailing that you are now free,
Free to be who you want,
Free to love?
That all of a sudden, the cavity of my chest
Might not be suitable for you to live in anymore.
One day, while I am walking down the street,
I will burst open spontaneously,
Scattering drops of blood across the sidewalk
Like red paint on canvas, like art.
Tiny pieces speaking volumes.
You will run down the street, arms flailing
Wailing that you are now free,
Free to be who you want,
Free to love?
10/15/2006
Oh, life.
Tanya and I were having a discussion about life the other day.
Some meaningful things actually came out of my mouth.
Well, my fingers rather, 'cause I was typing.
Pretty much.
I mean at school, all year, every year, since kindergarten, we're always asked what we want to be when we "grow up", or how we are going to make a difference, etcetc. Maybe they've all already learned it's pointless, and are simply waiting for us to learn the same thing, or maybe they are so close minded that they just can't see that yet either.
I mean, honestly. We're supposed to be doing what is considered morally right, or whatever. Get good marks. Be a good person. Be nice. Don't throw food. Don't bully, etc etc. But you are essentially right, those goals impact absolutely nothing outside of our close minded little world. Being an atheist, I don't believe in life after death, so I don't see how much of a point those silly little goals have, other than to get us a "good and respectable place in society".
You're right....we really are insignificant. What is to say that any human being has more importance or relevance than a star, or something seemingly useless? I really couldn't say much on the 'creator' theory, because I don't really believe in it, but I honestly think faith and religion have a place in the world simply because they comfort people...I mean, it's so much easier to say that god is "testing you" or "rewarding you", but really, it might just be you doing a good job or fucking up personally. (that doesn't make much sense, sorry)
It is kind of weird to just think we are controlled by a bunch of electrical impulses and chemistry, and the only thing that essentially differentiates us is at the basic genetic level, my hair is light brown and yours is darker because of some gene, or people have different skills or different levels of intelligence, again, because of some gene.
I think people are trying to make life out to be some big huge endeavour when it might not actually be that....
I honestly don't think [life] amounts to much of anything.
Sure, you can make an impact on someone, but unless you are someone like, say, Gandhi or an extremely famous musician or extremely famous person, etc, you really aren't going to impact a lot of people.
And even if you do, does it really make a difference?
Let's face it. People like to live and want to make a difference, but honestly, all life could very well be useless. So why would it be relevant anyway? One useless person can walk around and make a difference on another person, but by that logic, both would still be useless anyway. What are we really accomplishing?
Maybe there isn't really a point, that's what occasionally scares me.
Some meaningful things actually came out of my mouth.
Well, my fingers rather, 'cause I was typing.
Pretty much.
I mean at school, all year, every year, since kindergarten, we're always asked what we want to be when we "grow up", or how we are going to make a difference, etcetc. Maybe they've all already learned it's pointless, and are simply waiting for us to learn the same thing, or maybe they are so close minded that they just can't see that yet either.
I mean, honestly. We're supposed to be doing what is considered morally right, or whatever. Get good marks. Be a good person. Be nice. Don't throw food. Don't bully, etc etc. But you are essentially right, those goals impact absolutely nothing outside of our close minded little world. Being an atheist, I don't believe in life after death, so I don't see how much of a point those silly little goals have, other than to get us a "good and respectable place in society".
You're right....we really are insignificant. What is to say that any human being has more importance or relevance than a star, or something seemingly useless? I really couldn't say much on the 'creator' theory, because I don't really believe in it, but I honestly think faith and religion have a place in the world simply because they comfort people...I mean, it's so much easier to say that god is "testing you" or "rewarding you", but really, it might just be you doing a good job or fucking up personally. (that doesn't make much sense, sorry)
It is kind of weird to just think we are controlled by a bunch of electrical impulses and chemistry, and the only thing that essentially differentiates us is at the basic genetic level, my hair is light brown and yours is darker because of some gene, or people have different skills or different levels of intelligence, again, because of some gene.
I think people are trying to make life out to be some big huge endeavour when it might not actually be that....
I honestly don't think [life] amounts to much of anything.
Sure, you can make an impact on someone, but unless you are someone like, say, Gandhi or an extremely famous musician or extremely famous person, etc, you really aren't going to impact a lot of people.
And even if you do, does it really make a difference?
Let's face it. People like to live and want to make a difference, but honestly, all life could very well be useless. So why would it be relevant anyway? One useless person can walk around and make a difference on another person, but by that logic, both would still be useless anyway. What are we really accomplishing?
Maybe there isn't really a point, that's what occasionally scares me.
9/18/2006
English 30AP Free Write
Question: What is the meaning of life?
(Take note, when you are doing a free write, you just have to pick up a writing instrument and write for 5-10 minutes STRAIGHT without stopping. I have not edited this. It is just a flow of thought)
How is anyone supposed to really know, though? I mean, honestly. Unless you have interviewed every single person on the Earth (6 billion? More?), then how can you define it for everyone? You can't. For example, the meaning of life to a docotor might be to save as many people as he/she can while maintaining a positive influence, while the meaning of life to a crack dealer might be to deal as many drugs as he/she can and get really rich, whatever. But until you can actually get inside someone else's head, how the hell are you supposed to know? My hand hurts. I think the problem is that so many people only believe in their meaning of life and don't stop to cnosider others. They are so effing close minded that they always think they, and no one else is right. So what if someone's ultimate goals are different? They're pursuing their life, not yours. Maybe the reason we have so much conflict is because people can't accept that the connotation of being right can be different for different people. Can I stop yet?
(Take note, when you are doing a free write, you just have to pick up a writing instrument and write for 5-10 minutes STRAIGHT without stopping. I have not edited this. It is just a flow of thought)
How is anyone supposed to really know, though? I mean, honestly. Unless you have interviewed every single person on the Earth (6 billion? More?), then how can you define it for everyone? You can't. For example, the meaning of life to a docotor might be to save as many people as he/she can while maintaining a positive influence, while the meaning of life to a crack dealer might be to deal as many drugs as he/she can and get really rich, whatever. But until you can actually get inside someone else's head, how the hell are you supposed to know? My hand hurts. I think the problem is that so many people only believe in their meaning of life and don't stop to cnosider others. They are so effing close minded that they always think they, and no one else is right. So what if someone's ultimate goals are different? They're pursuing their life, not yours. Maybe the reason we have so much conflict is because people can't accept that the connotation of being right can be different for different people. Can I stop yet?
8/02/2006
Reflections of self.
My lack of confidence and self esteem is really bothering me lately. It causes problems that could be written off as minor to become larger issues than they are in reality. This causes me to be sad when I don't need to be.
I personally think I have a really good life. All my basic needs are being met. I've got shelter, enough food to eat, clothes to wear. I have two great parents who love me and my friends, who don't verbally, sexually or physically abuse me. I have a good paying job, I work with people I like. I get good, even great grades when I'm in school, and I work hard. I can afford luxuries in life, like expensive coffee, too many pairs of shoes, and music, all three of which I love. I have three best friends who I care about immensely, and I have other good friends that I also care about. I'm not overweight and my medical problems only consist of Diabetes, Asthma and Depression, all of which can be treated with medications (which I can afford, mind you).
So why, every time I have a crush on a guy, do I go into a huge downward spiral? I hate it! Everytime I like someone, or think someone likes me, I get excited for nothing, and of course nothing happens, and then I get disappointed, and I get hurt.
I'm going to compare it to getting drunk, so as to analogize my point. In the beginning you feel pretty good, headed out to drink with friends. You have complete control of your situation, and everything seems to be going well. You take the first drink. Still you feel good, but things might be starting to get a little out of control, you are doing things that you might not do if you were sober. As you continue to dip into the problem, and drink more, you may start feeling worse and worse and worse but you still keep sipping that cooler, or chugging that beer, or slamming back a few more shots of vodka until you're completely out of control, sobbing on the floor, throwing your guts up because you gave yourself more than you could take. And it was your fault. Your choice. You picked up the bottle and tipped it back, no one forced you.
You picked out the guy. A crush developed. No one forced you, but somehow it was uncontrollable.
I am a self-admitted control freak. I like everything to be perfectly in order. I hate group work because I don't trust people to do a good job in general. I have to have schedules planned out so I know what is going on, and when. I control my diet rather rigorously (partially because of my diabetes). I don't drink, because I lose control. I try my best to keep myself out of situations where I lose control.
I think I might be so scared/confused regarding the dating scene because when you like someone, it is completely out of control. I know for a fact that when I have a crush, it is extremely difficult to control my feelings and thought processes. As a result, I get confused in the situation, panic, and often end up getting hurt.
I tried to swear off dating and liking people to regain my control of my situation. But there's only so long that one person can stay in denial.
I just wish it would stop hurting. I want it to go away. Some nights, I feel like curling up in a ball and passing out, just so it will all go away for a few hours. So I don't have to think, so it doesn't matter that I'm not in control. But everything can't be cured with sleeping, as I learned about a year back.....I just want it to stop so bad...
I personally think I have a really good life. All my basic needs are being met. I've got shelter, enough food to eat, clothes to wear. I have two great parents who love me and my friends, who don't verbally, sexually or physically abuse me. I have a good paying job, I work with people I like. I get good, even great grades when I'm in school, and I work hard. I can afford luxuries in life, like expensive coffee, too many pairs of shoes, and music, all three of which I love. I have three best friends who I care about immensely, and I have other good friends that I also care about. I'm not overweight and my medical problems only consist of Diabetes, Asthma and Depression, all of which can be treated with medications (which I can afford, mind you).
So why, every time I have a crush on a guy, do I go into a huge downward spiral? I hate it! Everytime I like someone, or think someone likes me, I get excited for nothing, and of course nothing happens, and then I get disappointed, and I get hurt.
I'm going to compare it to getting drunk, so as to analogize my point. In the beginning you feel pretty good, headed out to drink with friends. You have complete control of your situation, and everything seems to be going well. You take the first drink. Still you feel good, but things might be starting to get a little out of control, you are doing things that you might not do if you were sober. As you continue to dip into the problem, and drink more, you may start feeling worse and worse and worse but you still keep sipping that cooler, or chugging that beer, or slamming back a few more shots of vodka until you're completely out of control, sobbing on the floor, throwing your guts up because you gave yourself more than you could take. And it was your fault. Your choice. You picked up the bottle and tipped it back, no one forced you.
You picked out the guy. A crush developed. No one forced you, but somehow it was uncontrollable.
I am a self-admitted control freak. I like everything to be perfectly in order. I hate group work because I don't trust people to do a good job in general. I have to have schedules planned out so I know what is going on, and when. I control my diet rather rigorously (partially because of my diabetes). I don't drink, because I lose control. I try my best to keep myself out of situations where I lose control.
I think I might be so scared/confused regarding the dating scene because when you like someone, it is completely out of control. I know for a fact that when I have a crush, it is extremely difficult to control my feelings and thought processes. As a result, I get confused in the situation, panic, and often end up getting hurt.
I tried to swear off dating and liking people to regain my control of my situation. But there's only so long that one person can stay in denial.
I just wish it would stop hurting. I want it to go away. Some nights, I feel like curling up in a ball and passing out, just so it will all go away for a few hours. So I don't have to think, so it doesn't matter that I'm not in control. But everything can't be cured with sleeping, as I learned about a year back.....I just want it to stop so bad...
7/31/2006
I was talking to a friend of mine, Katrina, last night.
What she said made a lot of sense.
Here goes.
Katrina - manood... manoodle... ma noodle! MASOOD!... i finally have brown friends!! haha britni says:
i think you're too mature for guys this age
Katrina - manood... manoodle... ma noodle! MASOOD!... i finally have brown friends!! haha britni says:
and then way older guys are intimated by your maturity
rach;; so fuck you, and your untouchable face. says:
that could very well be it, come to think of it
What she said made a lot of sense.
Here goes.
Katrina - manood... manoodle... ma noodle! MASOOD!... i finally have brown friends!! haha britni says:
i think you're too mature for guys this age
Katrina - manood... manoodle... ma noodle! MASOOD!... i finally have brown friends!! haha britni says:
and then way older guys are intimated by your maturity
rach;; so fuck you, and your untouchable face. says:
that could very well be it, come to think of it
Some quotes I liked.
"If for one minute you think you're better than a sixteen year old girl in a Green Day t-shirt, you are sorely mistaken. Remember the first time you went to a show and saw your favorite band. You wore their shirt, and sang every word. You didn't know anything about scene politics, haircuts, or what was cool. All you knew was that this music made you feel different from anyone you shared a locker with. This is what music is about."
- Gerard Way
*in reference to some sappy love song on the radio*
"This song is so sweet it gives me diabetes...."
- my mom
" Enemies stab you in the back
Friends stab you in the front
But best friends don't carry knives. "
- Unknown
"It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in."
- Ricky Fitts, American Beauty
"Friendship isn't partying with a group of people to get drunk or chatting with him/her once a week, it's exactly the opposite. Friends make sure you get home safely and they help you when you need it, no matter the scenario. They don't care about what clothes you wear or what you look like, and they don't last for a day. Real friends are more interested in what direction your life is headed rather than your popularity. They care about what you have to say and how you feel, and once you meet this person you'll know it without having to think twice.
- Morgan Tang"
rach;; i'm bringing my meat cleaver on westjet! says:
WE COULD BE LIKE THE NEXT CROSS BETWEEN DEATH CAB AND THE NEW PORNOGRAPHERS!!! In the words of my dad, "They actually look normal!"
Ruined says:
HAHAAHHA
Ruined says:
ya
Ruined says:
but im serious lets do it
rach;; i'm bringing my meat cleaver on westjet! says:
that would be fancy
Ruined says:
just me you and a drummer
Ruined says:
no guitarist
Ruined says:
keane style
rach;; i'm bringing my meat cleaver on westjet! says:
hahaha
rach;; i'm bringing my meat cleaver on westjet! says:
who ?
Ruined says:
lol nvm
Ruined says:
we will DESTROY THE OPPOSISITION
rach;; i'm bringing my meat cleaver on westjet! says:
LIKE JACK LAYTON!!
"If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call to make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?"
--Stephen Levine
Are your palms sweaty, your heart racing and your voice caught in your chest?
-It isn't love, it's LIKE.
You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them
-It isn't love, it's LUST.
Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
-It isn't love, it's LUCK.
Do you want them because you know they're there?
-It isn't love, it's LONELINESS.
Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
-It isn't love, it's LOYALTY.
Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
-It isn't love, it's LOW CONFIDENCE.
Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt them?
-It isn't love, it's PITY.
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
-It isn't love, it's INFATUATION.
Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
-It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP.
Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?
-It isn't love, it's a LIE
NERDY MATH PICKUP LINES!
you must be really good with your TI-83, cause you know how to push my buttons.
are you an overdue library book? cause you've got FINE written all over you.
if you were a triangle, you'd be a-cute one.
oh, you're doing math homework. i see you like numbers, want mine?
i'd expand your polynomial any day.
"The beautiful thing about music and lyrics are that they are open to interpretation. People can take away whatever meaning they want from any song."
-Alex Varkatzas (Atreyu)
- Gerard Way
*in reference to some sappy love song on the radio*
"This song is so sweet it gives me diabetes...."
- my mom
" Enemies stab you in the back
Friends stab you in the front
But best friends don't carry knives. "
- Unknown
"It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in."
- Ricky Fitts, American Beauty
"Friendship isn't partying with a group of people to get drunk or chatting with him/her once a week, it's exactly the opposite. Friends make sure you get home safely and they help you when you need it, no matter the scenario. They don't care about what clothes you wear or what you look like, and they don't last for a day. Real friends are more interested in what direction your life is headed rather than your popularity. They care about what you have to say and how you feel, and once you meet this person you'll know it without having to think twice.
- Morgan Tang"
rach;; i'm bringing my meat cleaver on westjet! says:
WE COULD BE LIKE THE NEXT CROSS BETWEEN DEATH CAB AND THE NEW PORNOGRAPHERS!!! In the words of my dad, "They actually look normal!"
Ruined says:
HAHAAHHA
Ruined says:
ya
Ruined says:
but im serious lets do it
rach;; i'm bringing my meat cleaver on westjet! says:
that would be fancy
Ruined says:
just me you and a drummer
Ruined says:
no guitarist
Ruined says:
keane style
rach;; i'm bringing my meat cleaver on westjet! says:
hahaha
rach;; i'm bringing my meat cleaver on westjet! says:
who ?
Ruined says:
lol nvm
Ruined says:
we will DESTROY THE OPPOSISITION
rach;; i'm bringing my meat cleaver on westjet! says:
LIKE JACK LAYTON!!
"If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call to make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?"
--Stephen Levine
Are your palms sweaty, your heart racing and your voice caught in your chest?
-It isn't love, it's LIKE.
You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them
-It isn't love, it's LUST.
Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
-It isn't love, it's LUCK.
Do you want them because you know they're there?
-It isn't love, it's LONELINESS.
Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
-It isn't love, it's LOYALTY.
Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
-It isn't love, it's LOW CONFIDENCE.
Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt them?
-It isn't love, it's PITY.
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
-It isn't love, it's INFATUATION.
Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
-It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP.
Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?
-It isn't love, it's a LIE
NERDY MATH PICKUP LINES!
you must be really good with your TI-83, cause you know how to push my buttons.
are you an overdue library book? cause you've got FINE written all over you.
if you were a triangle, you'd be a-cute one.
oh, you're doing math homework. i see you like numbers, want mine?
i'd expand your polynomial any day.
"The beautiful thing about music and lyrics are that they are open to interpretation. People can take away whatever meaning they want from any song."
-Alex Varkatzas (Atreyu)
7/23/2006
What's in a name?
This is a music entry.
Until I can think of a web address for a music blog, my musical entries can just go in here.
Today on Last.fm, I read a girl's journal entry of songs with people's names in the title. I thought it was neato so I'm going to go through my list and see how many I can find...I have 1212 songs on my computer, so let's see how it works out.
Alanis Morissette- Mary Jane
The Beatles- Eleanor Rigby
The Beatles- Lady Madonna
The Beatles- The Ballad of John and Yoko
The Beatles- Hey Jude
Brand New- Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis
Bright Eyes- Arienette
Bright Eyes- Padraic My Prince
Bright Eyes- Tereza and Thomas
Bright Eyes- Laura Laurent
the Calling- Adrienne
Death Cab for Cutie- What Sarah Said
Death Cab for Cutie- Song for Kelly Huckaby
Hawthorne Heights- Niki FM
Hole- Jennifer's Body
Hole- Mrs. Jones
Jack Off Jill- Vivica
Jack's Mannequin- Vivica
John Mellencamp- Jack and Diane
The Killers- Mr. Brightside
Louis XIV- Louis XIV
Louis XIV- A Letter to Dominique
Lustra- Scotty Doesn't Know
Margot & the Nuclear So and So's- Jen is Bringin' the Drugs
Melanie Doane- Adam's Rib
My Chemical Romance- Helena
The New Pornographers- The Mary Martin Show
Rachael Yamagata- Moments With Oliver
Saving Jane- Mary
Shawn Colvin- Sunny Came Home
Silverchair- Ana's Song (Open Fire)
Skye Sweetnam- Billy S.
Smashing Pumpkins- Ava Adore
Stereophonics- Dakota
Stereophonics- Lolita
Sufjan Stevens- John Wayne Gacy, Jr.
Thursday- M. Shepard
Train- Meet Virginia
Uncle Outrage- Sad Ashley
Weezer- Buddy Holly
40 songs total. Hmm...
Until I can think of a web address for a music blog, my musical entries can just go in here.
Today on Last.fm, I read a girl's journal entry of songs with people's names in the title. I thought it was neato so I'm going to go through my list and see how many I can find...I have 1212 songs on my computer, so let's see how it works out.
Alanis Morissette- Mary Jane
The Beatles- Eleanor Rigby
The Beatles- Lady Madonna
The Beatles- The Ballad of John and Yoko
The Beatles- Hey Jude
Brand New- Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis
Bright Eyes- Arienette
Bright Eyes- Padraic My Prince
Bright Eyes- Tereza and Thomas
Bright Eyes- Laura Laurent
the Calling- Adrienne
Death Cab for Cutie- What Sarah Said
Death Cab for Cutie- Song for Kelly Huckaby
Hawthorne Heights- Niki FM
Hole- Jennifer's Body
Hole- Mrs. Jones
Jack Off Jill- Vivica
Jack's Mannequin- Vivica
John Mellencamp- Jack and Diane
The Killers- Mr. Brightside
Louis XIV- Louis XIV
Louis XIV- A Letter to Dominique
Lustra- Scotty Doesn't Know
Margot & the Nuclear So and So's- Jen is Bringin' the Drugs
Melanie Doane- Adam's Rib
My Chemical Romance- Helena
The New Pornographers- The Mary Martin Show
Rachael Yamagata- Moments With Oliver
Saving Jane- Mary
Shawn Colvin- Sunny Came Home
Silverchair- Ana's Song (Open Fire)
Skye Sweetnam- Billy S.
Smashing Pumpkins- Ava Adore
Stereophonics- Dakota
Stereophonics- Lolita
Sufjan Stevens- John Wayne Gacy, Jr.
Thursday- M. Shepard
Train- Meet Virginia
Uncle Outrage- Sad Ashley
Weezer- Buddy Holly
40 songs total. Hmm...
7/20/2006
Audio Books...for real.
I just thought of a wonderful new invention.
A book that also plays music to go along with the characters' moods, or the moods of the scene, etc.
Let me explain.
For example, in a scene with a lot of tension, a song with a lot of tension would play when the scene or conversation started. Or, when people were....having sex or something, some kind of love song could be playing, or even a song about NOT being in love, which would provide a sort of dramatic irony for the reader.
Or, in teen novels for example, when the kid is off listening to their angry music because they're pissed at their parents, the book and its words could be describing the person's thoughts, while the music describes their feelings.
Hmm, very interesting...
The only problem would be that so many people listen to so many genres of music, it would almost be impossible to coordinate music.
However, it was a neat thought.
A book that also plays music to go along with the characters' moods, or the moods of the scene, etc.
Let me explain.
For example, in a scene with a lot of tension, a song with a lot of tension would play when the scene or conversation started. Or, when people were....having sex or something, some kind of love song could be playing, or even a song about NOT being in love, which would provide a sort of dramatic irony for the reader.
Or, in teen novels for example, when the kid is off listening to their angry music because they're pissed at their parents, the book and its words could be describing the person's thoughts, while the music describes their feelings.
Hmm, very interesting...
The only problem would be that so many people listen to so many genres of music, it would almost be impossible to coordinate music.
However, it was a neat thought.
5/30/2006
whining.
A friend of mine, Brian, just told me today that he could die because his heart is failing. The doctor told him that his heart isn't strong enough to pump the blood through his veins, so he has to take steroids and hope something works. If not, he will probably have to get a transplant. He might die, and apparently he's actually prepared for that (or putting on a brave front, either one). That really scares me, because Brian is such a nice kid, and of course doesn't deserve this, and yada yada yada.
I really hope he will be fine. I really do. And I'm not Christian, so I can't pray, I can just hope in my heart that he will make it through this. Although I want Sean so badly right now and it's bothering me, I feel so thankful to be at least mostly healthy (minus the depression and diabetes which are infact treatable and being treated), with an $8/hr job and a family who loves me, and friends who care. I have a roof over my head, and food to eat (enough to become overweight, if I wanted! :P ).
I'm on the honor roll at school and I don't have problems with drugs or alcohol, nor do I really have any enemies. God, I'm so....lucky....is the only word that comes to mine. Even if I can't have Sean, or pass Chemistry with over 80%, I'm still so lucky.
The next time you complain about how you have no friends when you really do, or how you can't afford that iPod y ou've been looking at, or that new bike, or that hot outfit, think, for christ sakes....At least you're not dying. You've got a house. You're healthy. When is enough enough?
Apparently never. We live in such a superficial society.
-sigh-
ps-- I'm not lying, I complain also, at many points, but this is what I'm thinking right at this moment.
I really hope he will be fine. I really do. And I'm not Christian, so I can't pray, I can just hope in my heart that he will make it through this. Although I want Sean so badly right now and it's bothering me, I feel so thankful to be at least mostly healthy (minus the depression and diabetes which are infact treatable and being treated), with an $8/hr job and a family who loves me, and friends who care. I have a roof over my head, and food to eat (enough to become overweight, if I wanted! :P ).
I'm on the honor roll at school and I don't have problems with drugs or alcohol, nor do I really have any enemies. God, I'm so....lucky....is the only word that comes to mine. Even if I can't have Sean, or pass Chemistry with over 80%, I'm still so lucky.
The next time you complain about how you have no friends when you really do, or how you can't afford that iPod y ou've been looking at, or that new bike, or that hot outfit, think, for christ sakes....At least you're not dying. You've got a house. You're healthy. When is enough enough?
Apparently never. We live in such a superficial society.
-sigh-
ps-- I'm not lying, I complain also, at many points, but this is what I'm thinking right at this moment.
5/21/2006
"slip"
original post:
nexopia blog Sunday April 23 2006
slip.I'm so confused with you right now.
It's almost like I hate (well, dislike) and love you at the same time, and don't tell me it's not fucking possible, because I feel it right now. And I think about it all the time, it's annoying the fuck out of me. If I had a snowflake for every fucking time I overanalyzed this, school would be cancelled...for the entire winter.
I love you so much, I'm not sure if it's crossed the metaphorical 'friends' line yet. I might be toeing it. I might not. Or I could be long past, but I'm not sure, either I'm in denial and I stepped over a long time ago, or I'm not and I'm just hallucinating. You know what bothers me? The fact that it could viably be either one. I just don't know. I haven't got the control in this situation that I crave.
After we grew apart a little, it started to bother me. I knew it was inevitable, with something like that presenting itself, things were never going to be the same, as much as I wished they would. And then the distance grew a little. I know you care still, but I don't know whether you care about me half as much as I care about you. We haven't seen each other in a long time, and we never talk on the phone, or anything like that. We still understand each other like we used to although things have changed, but it's difficult without the physical presence.
I miss you, I don't miss you, I hate you, I love you, I need you, I want you to get out, I want to call you, I want to hang up the phone. I want to drive to see you, I want you to make the effort first. I want to know you care, I want to know you care.
I'm driving myself fucking insane. I'm pretty sure she was right in the first place because she's smart about that kind of thing, maybe I should just leave it, but it's so hard to stay away. There's this urge to pour my heart out all the time and let me tell you, it's hard to fight. Your other friends tell me about the fun things you guys do and I almost get so jealous I can't stand it. I'm happy you've got them, really I am, but I wish I still did.
I'm going insane, or I'm just being a girl.
Either way it feels like my heart is splitting in half, the stitches popping one by one by one.
nexopia blog Sunday April 23 2006
slip.I'm so confused with you right now.
It's almost like I hate (well, dislike) and love you at the same time, and don't tell me it's not fucking possible, because I feel it right now. And I think about it all the time, it's annoying the fuck out of me. If I had a snowflake for every fucking time I overanalyzed this, school would be cancelled...for the entire winter.
I love you so much, I'm not sure if it's crossed the metaphorical 'friends' line yet. I might be toeing it. I might not. Or I could be long past, but I'm not sure, either I'm in denial and I stepped over a long time ago, or I'm not and I'm just hallucinating. You know what bothers me? The fact that it could viably be either one. I just don't know. I haven't got the control in this situation that I crave.
After we grew apart a little, it started to bother me. I knew it was inevitable, with something like that presenting itself, things were never going to be the same, as much as I wished they would. And then the distance grew a little. I know you care still, but I don't know whether you care about me half as much as I care about you. We haven't seen each other in a long time, and we never talk on the phone, or anything like that. We still understand each other like we used to although things have changed, but it's difficult without the physical presence.
I miss you, I don't miss you, I hate you, I love you, I need you, I want you to get out, I want to call you, I want to hang up the phone. I want to drive to see you, I want you to make the effort first. I want to know you care, I want to know you care.
I'm driving myself fucking insane. I'm pretty sure she was right in the first place because she's smart about that kind of thing, maybe I should just leave it, but it's so hard to stay away. There's this urge to pour my heart out all the time and let me tell you, it's hard to fight. Your other friends tell me about the fun things you guys do and I almost get so jealous I can't stand it. I'm happy you've got them, really I am, but I wish I still did.
I'm going insane, or I'm just being a girl.
Either way it feels like my heart is splitting in half, the stitches popping one by one by one.
4/09/2006
tears.
"you could so talk to her"
comes out of my mouth, when really i mean
"fuck!! she isn't even pretty!"
but of course that's not true,
i'm just jealous.
comes out of my mouth, when really i mean
"fuck!! she isn't even pretty!"
but of course that's not true,
i'm just jealous.
4/08/2006
Dear World
Dear World,
When I grow up, I am going to invent a machine. It is going to be a fancy translating machine, but I haven't thought of a name for it yet.
Basically, what it's going to do is translate what things that the opposite sex say mean (if you're gay, the same sex. duh.).
For example, you plug in what someone says and it translates it into something in plain English, while factoring in emotions and brainwaves. That way, people could understand each other, and there wouldn't be so many broken hearts and screwed up situations.
Frick, I'm gonna be rich....
When I grow up, I am going to invent a machine. It is going to be a fancy translating machine, but I haven't thought of a name for it yet.
Basically, what it's going to do is translate what things that the opposite sex say mean (if you're gay, the same sex. duh.).
For example, you plug in what someone says and it translates it into something in plain English, while factoring in emotions and brainwaves. That way, people could understand each other, and there wouldn't be so many broken hearts and screwed up situations.
Frick, I'm gonna be rich....
confused number six thousand sixty three and a half plus three quarters.
What bothers me the most is that I can't tell him. Okay, basically the whole situation bothers me. I was so okay with being single because I keep telling myself I'm too independent for a relationship, and everything was fine for about a month and a half. And then he came into my life again and everything flipped. It's like when you get toast and put the perfect amount of peanut butter on, only to drop it on the concrete and have it be useless, except for maybe some random seagulls. It was fine up to a point, getting close to being perfect and ready to eat, until you dropped it and fucked it up. And it bothers me, it's my fault, not anyone else's. Well, maybe I'm being a little too harsh....maybe it's more my heart's fault. Well, technically brain, because my heart can't think. Fuck that, maybe the two of them could have an interesting debate if it could. He's probably out partying right now, or at least hanging out with friends (people don't necessarily party at seven fifty p.m.). Maybe he's hanging out with her too? Trying to hold her hand again or sneak a kiss when she isn't watching. It almost makes me feel sick to think about it, not because it's gross, but because I know if I can't fix this soon, things are going to go a little haywire. Maybe that's putting it too mildly, or maybe too harshly, I'm not sure yet. I should probably hope she likes him back so they can date and be cute and happy while I sit on the sidelines because that's what I'm familiar with, that's what I'm used to. Somehow though, I want it to be different this time. I'm too confused. Fuck.
2/24/2006
math plus life equals zero.
"Shit or get off the pot."
I hear Jackie's voice echo in my mind as I am folding shirts on the ever messy T-shirt table at work. Left side, right side, fold. Left side, right side, fold. Shit or get off the pot, shit or get off the pot. The phrase echoes in my mind like a million tiny needles trying to pierce my thoughts and make sense of them. Already I have a feeling it isn't going to work.
I've been thinking about breaking up with him a lot lately in the past week. I don't think he has done anything wrong, at least I can't pinpoint anything. Maybe it's the fact that I met new people in a certain class that remind me of other people. History, wonderful and horrible at the same time. I want out but I can't hurt him, I've said this to myself so many times before...My mind seems like a piece of broken vinyl, playing the same line over and over and over again until someone decides to move the spindle off the tape and quell the sound. Unfortunately the turntable is sitting in an empty room with no one around to move anything.
It's my job now, I have to figure out what to do. Too bad it's such a hard question. I'd rather have taught the entire Conics unit to myself than be weighted down with the burden of explaining my feelings, of standing up for myself. Anyone who knows me well enough knows how much this is bothering me....oh wait, that comes to, let me count...no one. Because it's my decision, unfortunately.
I hate Math, but sometimes I wish life was like it. There are many variables but in the end they always represent something, and everything adds up in the end. Rows of perfect equations show up on clean white paper, especially if you're good at finding them and solving them. 1+1 is always equal to 2, and 3+3 is always equal to 6, no matter the time, the place or the occasion. The only thing I like about Math is the order of things, the fact that there is always one solution, one predetermined answer.
Of course, life cannot be like Math, you can't just plug things into a calculator and hope things will work out. The ironic thing is that the variables are usually x and y, which are the same as the female and male sex chromosomes. I always thought that was funny.
I hear Jackie's voice echo in my mind as I am folding shirts on the ever messy T-shirt table at work. Left side, right side, fold. Left side, right side, fold. Shit or get off the pot, shit or get off the pot. The phrase echoes in my mind like a million tiny needles trying to pierce my thoughts and make sense of them. Already I have a feeling it isn't going to work.
I've been thinking about breaking up with him a lot lately in the past week. I don't think he has done anything wrong, at least I can't pinpoint anything. Maybe it's the fact that I met new people in a certain class that remind me of other people. History, wonderful and horrible at the same time. I want out but I can't hurt him, I've said this to myself so many times before...My mind seems like a piece of broken vinyl, playing the same line over and over and over again until someone decides to move the spindle off the tape and quell the sound. Unfortunately the turntable is sitting in an empty room with no one around to move anything.
It's my job now, I have to figure out what to do. Too bad it's such a hard question. I'd rather have taught the entire Conics unit to myself than be weighted down with the burden of explaining my feelings, of standing up for myself. Anyone who knows me well enough knows how much this is bothering me....oh wait, that comes to, let me count...no one. Because it's my decision, unfortunately.
I hate Math, but sometimes I wish life was like it. There are many variables but in the end they always represent something, and everything adds up in the end. Rows of perfect equations show up on clean white paper, especially if you're good at finding them and solving them. 1+1 is always equal to 2, and 3+3 is always equal to 6, no matter the time, the place or the occasion. The only thing I like about Math is the order of things, the fact that there is always one solution, one predetermined answer.
Of course, life cannot be like Math, you can't just plug things into a calculator and hope things will work out. The ironic thing is that the variables are usually x and y, which are the same as the female and male sex chromosomes. I always thought that was funny.
2/04/2006
Raindrops
Beneath a sea of delicate rain,
Delirious and weak, I swim through the mist
Clothes plastered to skin as I spin
The storm envelops me,
One smooth, crystalline droplet at a time
Comes crashing from the sky,
Plopping harmlessly at my feet.
I splash drunkenly like a child,
The one I once knew, cool and carefree
Although deep inside I know,
She is not coming back
Delirious and weak, I swim through the mist
Clothes plastered to skin as I spin
The storm envelops me,
One smooth, crystalline droplet at a time
Comes crashing from the sky,
Plopping harmlessly at my feet.
I splash drunkenly like a child,
The one I once knew, cool and carefree
Although deep inside I know,
She is not coming back
The Truth
"You helped me a lot"
He confesses
Me, help?
Little did I know
That showing the side of me
The one with feelings
And emotions, cut hard into glass
Would help him see the other side
And be more comfortable with himself
By matching these emotions with music
One piano note at a time
I had no idea that
Soft crescendoes of hope, of misery, of light, of dark
Played in a single melody
Would help him understand that
Emotions are not a source of weakness,
But a source of truth.
He confesses
Me, help?
Little did I know
That showing the side of me
The one with feelings
And emotions, cut hard into glass
Would help him see the other side
And be more comfortable with himself
By matching these emotions with music
One piano note at a time
I had no idea that
Soft crescendoes of hope, of misery, of light, of dark
Played in a single melody
Would help him understand that
Emotions are not a source of weakness,
But a source of truth.
1/10/2006
Monday's Political Debate
The political debate between the federal parties of Canada was the most T.V. I've watched in a while. It was somewhat typical, like political debates usually seem to be. Each party twists their words into something that will make people vote for them, and the other candidates try to prove them wrong. Here's my spin.
I believe the most entertaining part was probably when Gilles Duceppe was arguing with Paul Martin over whether Quebec was a nation or not. Duceppe was upset because Martin and his Government hadn't been referring to Quebec as a "nation". Well no wonder, Quebec isn't a nation, it's a province. Come on Mr. Duceppe, you're refusing to call a spade a spade. However, Gilles made an excellent observation-- "Paul Martin campaigns like the NDP and governs like a Tory." This is true, but the Liberals are in the middle of the political spectrum, so it's sort of expected.
Stephen Harper answered questions like a politician, with that stupid smile on his face all the time. I hate that smile, it drives me insane! It's that "here's my politician face, I'm trying to pretend I'm happy about what I'm talking about so people will vote for me, teehee, lol". Seriously. Some of the Conservative Party's opinions seemed plausible to me, but in the meantime I want to smack that stupid smile off Mr. Harper's face with my math binder.
Paul Martin (ugly old P.M. that he is) was normal at first, but got extremely mad when arguing with Mr. Duceppe over the "Quebec is a nation/is not a nation" business. The argument got fairly heated, and let me tell you, it's rather comical to observe a politician trying to remain calm when the emotions in his head are in disarray.
Jack Layton of the NDP (duh, my favorite) had many good ideas, but unfortunately kept dodging questions. Toward the end of the debate, everything came out of his mouth as "my party wants to do this, or that, or promises this, or that" with nothing in particular relating to the question he was being asked. I'm unsure if this is because the questions were upsetting him, he didn't feel like answering them, or he didn't have the answers at all. He also did that crazy "politician hand waving thing" where he looks serious and shakes his fist around. I didn't actually notice it during the debate, but it provided for a good laugh on the way to school this morning. Even if Mr. Layton is a question dodger, however, I do wish the NDP had a strong chance to become Canada's governing party.
However, with the current poll results having 38% in favour of the conservatives and about 26% in favour of the Liberals, things appear to be getting rather dismal. We can only hope that a good government will come into play and help Canada fix some of it's problems. We must remember that at least we are not ruled by Castro, Hitler, Stalin or the like, so we at least have something to be grateful for.
I believe the most entertaining part was probably when Gilles Duceppe was arguing with Paul Martin over whether Quebec was a nation or not. Duceppe was upset because Martin and his Government hadn't been referring to Quebec as a "nation". Well no wonder, Quebec isn't a nation, it's a province. Come on Mr. Duceppe, you're refusing to call a spade a spade. However, Gilles made an excellent observation-- "Paul Martin campaigns like the NDP and governs like a Tory." This is true, but the Liberals are in the middle of the political spectrum, so it's sort of expected.
Stephen Harper answered questions like a politician, with that stupid smile on his face all the time. I hate that smile, it drives me insane! It's that "here's my politician face, I'm trying to pretend I'm happy about what I'm talking about so people will vote for me, teehee, lol". Seriously. Some of the Conservative Party's opinions seemed plausible to me, but in the meantime I want to smack that stupid smile off Mr. Harper's face with my math binder.
Paul Martin (ugly old P.M. that he is) was normal at first, but got extremely mad when arguing with Mr. Duceppe over the "Quebec is a nation/is not a nation" business. The argument got fairly heated, and let me tell you, it's rather comical to observe a politician trying to remain calm when the emotions in his head are in disarray.
Jack Layton of the NDP (duh, my favorite) had many good ideas, but unfortunately kept dodging questions. Toward the end of the debate, everything came out of his mouth as "my party wants to do this, or that, or promises this, or that" with nothing in particular relating to the question he was being asked. I'm unsure if this is because the questions were upsetting him, he didn't feel like answering them, or he didn't have the answers at all. He also did that crazy "politician hand waving thing" where he looks serious and shakes his fist around. I didn't actually notice it during the debate, but it provided for a good laugh on the way to school this morning. Even if Mr. Layton is a question dodger, however, I do wish the NDP had a strong chance to become Canada's governing party.
However, with the current poll results having 38% in favour of the conservatives and about 26% in favour of the Liberals, things appear to be getting rather dismal. We can only hope that a good government will come into play and help Canada fix some of it's problems. We must remember that at least we are not ruled by Castro, Hitler, Stalin or the like, so we at least have something to be grateful for.
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