Cycles

I'm lying alone on the floor of my bathroom. It's Saturday night, and I am home alone, rather than being out and doing something. I attempt to get up again, but the pain of my emotions force me back onto the cold blue and white tile. I lie with my face pressed into them, sobbing until I'm not only choking on my own air, but on my own tears. Each breath is like a struggle, a struggle I don't want to face, but do anyway. "It's okay," I tell myself. "There's someone else out there...I swear."
This brings on a fresh cascade of tears, I do nothing to stop them. The music plays over and over in my head, along with my thoughts. I tell myself I have to do something, and I pull off the floor. I walk back into my room to my computer, and tell him to have a good night. The tears still come as I switch off my monitor and collapse into bed, waiting for the next time. Waiting for the next day to possibly bring some hope into my situation. This is all lost for a moment, and I fall into a drug induced sleep. Then, I wake up and do it all over again. How charming.