I miss the old times. Like the ones fairly far back, just everything. I live in the past now, and it's hard when it stays like this. When I can't sever the ties because I want what I had back, but really I just want it all to fade to black. And slip,slip,slip away. I miss the old times. I miss walking down the street holding hands. I miss being drug free. I miss the promise I had that I would never smoke a cigarette. That I broke, one inhale at a time. I miss my old friends. I miss the dancing with Davis at diabetic camp. I miss me and Jenny's foam night. I'm going to miss Gib when he dies from bone cancer that is killing his cells one bit at a time. I miss nights staying out late on our front porches with Justin, Nathan, Sheri and Jessica. I miss Nicole M's mini backyard pool, I still remember the day we were singing to Kiss From A Rose on the way home from somewhere. It was so loud and no one had even blasted music around me before. I remember making friendship bracelets with her. I remember when me and nathan and candice and nicole wrote her a note about how we thought she was behaving, and I delivered it. And she cried. And I felt horrible. I miss the long bike rides, and the time my blood sugar got low and I crashed into the back of a parked car. I miss going for slurpees late at night. I miss doing things late outside at night. I miss those little pink glasses I had in Grade 2. I miss the dogs that used to live in the backyard. I miss playing random nintendo at Nathan's with Justin until our brain turned to mush. I miss the trampoline at Grandma and Grandpa's, and how the stars looked outside. And when I was there, I missed home and my friends. I miss the sailing trip so badly that words can't describe it. Every single day of that damn thing, I miss. Many many moments. I miss going to the park afterschool pretty much everyday in grade 5/6. I miss when the boys chased me around, haha. I remember the day when Greg got stung by a wasp. I remember when we all used to go skating in the winter. I remember when me and Monica and Sheetal hung out all the time in the summer, rollerblading, biking and playing badminton in the middle of the road in the dark. And cars would come, and we'd scream. I miss trying to run outside in the hail, and my mom yelling "YOU GET INSIDE RIGHT NOW." I miss the happy music, over and over again. I miss our kickball games in the back alley by Nathan's. I remember drawing all over with sidewalk chalk. I miss days at Austin's. I miss the day we drove down a gravel road at 80km/hr in an Escalade. I remember sitting downstairs at his house with him and Megan, and him always jokingly wanting to watch the porno channel. I miss the hippie girlfriends. I miss when we were so drunk that we had to walk TJ home and he was still drunk and puking. Everyone always puked but me. Maybe I was a strong drunk, but it doesn't matter anymore. I had to hold that empty chip bag while heather puked and it was gross. I don't have much to show for that. I don't have much to remember for that time period. I remember the first time I got stoned, in Brandon's room with AJ and Shane. I remember nights with Mark and Austin and Megan and Me. I remember the good times, and the bad ones too. But for this thing's sake. The good things. So now, I sit. Crying and listening to the same song over again, and hoping something will change. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. The question is whether I can keep on trying. I guess we'll have to see.