Old friends.

This is so weird.
Everyone might remember how me and Megan used to be really great friends. The typical, out of the textbook sleepovers every weekend doing silly things together type friends. You know the kind and so do I, I don't even need to type out all the silly inside jokes, and everything we did.
Although we sort of split apart, sadly.
Brandon came into the picture, I got really sad, and she drifted out. And then Heather came along, and the drifting continued. I guess I never really liked Heather, mostly because I was really jealous of her-- she was a little bit pretty and she'd "taken" Megan from me. As retarded as that sounds, it was how I felt. I was angrier at her as time went on, and I even quit eating lunch with them because I felt so left out. They called me creepy, or something. And said to Devon behind my back that I was too sad, or something. I'd make a comment about something and they'd call me creepy. So I just stopped; and started eating with Kaitlyn, Jayme, Carisa and Ashley. I don't like Carisa that much, but whatever, it's a take what I can get type thing. They are nice to me most of the time.
Well, I was having this long talk with Austin the other night. After he's broken up with Stephanie, we've gone back to being really good friends.
We were talking about how Megan and I had drifted, and he said that if I wanted to go back to being best friends with her, chances are I could, and that I should try. I wasn't sure I wanted to though, but I was trying to think about it.
The next morning, none other than Megan walks into my work. I'm at till 14, and she whisper-shouts "RACHEL". And I was like, holy shit. She'd come in for a job interview, which basically meant she was going to be working there soon. Then she went through my till with her dad a while later and left.
I come on msn later that night and first thing she says is "SUPERSTORE BUDDIES FOR LIFE!<3" and it was weird cause for a sec things were back to how they used to be. Just for a sec.
And I think I want them back.
I think Steph is mad at me though, because I'm being such a hypocrite. I usually do this though, I can't make up my mind, and I end up looking like a hypocrite. True that that I called her a slut infront of Steph and Jeff, and I said I'd make comments to her the next time she wore something that didn't fit. I want to tell them that maybe I didn't really mean it, maybe I just said it because I was so mad at her, for I'm not sure what, but now that I've realized she isn't mad at me, I just want her back as a friend. I know what she wears bothers me, but a lot of things do and I probably shouldn't be so judgemental.
That's another problem with me, I want everyone to like me so I try and make everyone happy. One day I'm scared it's going to get the best of me and I'm going to be running around like crazy not knowing what to do. I just think I should try to be friends with Megan again, and hope Steph doesn't get mad.
On another thought, Jeff won't quit running through my mind, and I hate it. It's like he's always there, I mean he's a great friend. But I'm just going to be sad again when I see nothing is happening. I don't want to end up crying over something like this again, but I probably will. That's another bad thing.

So why can't I find any good things, what the hell's with this? Grr, I'm not sure.
But I'm so confused. I hope I can stop liking him, but that's most likely to not happen until he formally has to reject me. Great, now the waiting game. I've been waiting for so long...so how long until someone shows up that actually likes me?